I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
