We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I lost the right to judge tonight
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
