Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Two words: nipple clamps
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