i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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