I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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