Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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