I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
