This is not my ceiling
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
