I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
