Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
