i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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