take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
