..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So much Jack, so little girl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
