She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
