this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
