I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
