I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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