What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
