so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
