I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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