I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
