At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
accomplished twins. life is a go
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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