If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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