Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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