Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
