there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
