It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
