ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
