She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
