I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
