i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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