Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
