it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
