Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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