apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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