I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You ruined the universe
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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