She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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