remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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