I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
