just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
