woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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