Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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