I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
