I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
