do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
