I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
