Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
