you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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