The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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