Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
