she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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