dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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