bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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