i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
