Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
