i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
