Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
