just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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