Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
