i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
