i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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