oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
