Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
