She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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