Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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