It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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