Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
