Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
