it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
