Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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