Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize