you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
