you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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