I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
