"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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