I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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