thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
